Disability is not Inability

:: Us against the world.

Often times, God recognizes the union of two in love, but society will hear none of it...Saturday Standard Sep 15, 2007

Sometime love is the most dangerous game of all.” This was the tag line of an old hit, Against All Odds, released in 1984. Like all romantic movies the plot is love, love, and love.

Terry Brogan, an ageing football player is given the job of searching for the sexy Jessie Wyler who is wanted by hit men. The pay package is attractive. When the two meet, animal instincts prove too powerful and they end up unexpectedly falling in love. They are hence forced to flee for their lives and live forever happily.

If such scenes remained only in the movies life would be simpler, but they don’t. have a way of jumping from the reel to the real. Unlike Terry and Jessie it might not be men with guns after the lovers, but stiff opposition to their love.

It is often everyone’s dream to find the love of their lives, a person with whom they can intimately connect and live together with. In a true African society where marriage is regarded highly, this is a positive step indeed. Many hope to find support from various quarters towards this noble goal. Yet this is not always the case and like Terry and Jessie, some love each other but remain forever “on the run.” They are haunted right, left and centre usually by those from they expected support.

" RELATIVES DISCOURAGED HER FROM MARRYING A BLIND MAN

But is love not about compatibility? If l chose to marry from a different faith, should that be a bother to my family? Supposing then l marry from my faith but then, l fall for a spouse of a lower social class’ should that be an issue? If that would be enough to cause a rift between my parents, and me what if l fell in love and married a person with disability, should the society roast me for the hounds?

Charles Odima’s coarse casual labourer’s hand tightly grasped the fine, gloved palm of his beloved. Charles was not eyeing his bride Jacqueline Adudo though. He was looking at the gestures of the interpreter nearby. But the adoring eyes of the 28-year-old Jacqueline never wavered from Charles’, on whom she had invested eight years of her emotions despite the fact that he was deaf and dumb.

They patiently waited as the pastor laboured through the scriptures, which had to be interpreted to the couple, or rather to Charles.
After the last sentence, Charles silently slipped the ring on the index finger of his wife. He then appended his signature to the certificate as tears clouded Jacqueline’s eyes, and cameras clicked away.
“We were almost four years behind schedule,” she recalled referring to the many years that they had been opposed by her family and relatives.

Jacqueline’s family could not understand why she had decided to marry Charles when there were so many” able-bodied” men who had shown interest in her. Yet all this was cast into the sea of forgetfulness as she smiled infectiously and waltzed into the waiting arms of her man – the man who had waited for almost eight years.
Philip and Nancy Oduk have been married for the last 10years and together they present the epitome of a happy family. Yet theirs was a love that rose above the physical disability: for Philip is blind.

Friends and relatives like had discouraged her from marrying a blind man. Their fears were varied and sounded genuine. Some feared their children would be blind as well; others thought she would be sentenced to a lifetime of slavery and be unable to lead her own life.
“My close friends told me that it is important for women to be appreciated by their men in terms of physical appearance and dressing and these are things l would miss,” she recalls. But she was determined and was not ready to give up her love even in the face of compelling arguments and the oppositions.

Today a mother of two boys with perfect eyesight, she is glad that she did not bulge under pressure.
“I have come to learn that love and appreciation have nothing to do with physical abilities, in my case one/s ability to see; it depends on one’s heart,” she says.

And if you thought the tribal schism in the country was only political, sample this: Yom Odhiambo came from an unremarkable family of farmers in Alego. His fiancée Judy Nyambura hailed from Mount Kenya region, a daughter of a prominent businessman. The spatial and cultural differences between their two lives seemed insurmountable, but not to their unstoppable love which ended in marriage.

The two met when they were students at the University of Nairobi and their love took root and blossomed at the institution of knowledge.
“But we both knew things were bound to be rough especially since she was a different tribe,” says Odhiambo. While marrying from another tribe was not the issue, the tribe was that the girl was from a tribe that has long been viewed as antagonistic to Odhiambo’s.” Both our parents reacted with the expected venom, even my father warned me never to bring her home even on a social visit,” he recalls. Judy’s mother thought their girl had been bewitched while her father warned her never to name any of their children after him. His name, he said must not be called out in alien soil.

Staunch Christians, the couple engaged the services of their pastor who tried to talk to both sets of parents but with little success.
“My family finally gave in though with a lot of apprehension and suspicion but Judy’s family refused to budge,” say Odhiambo. After giving Judy’s family enough time in the hope they might reconsider their stand, which they did not, the couple were eventually united in Holy Matrimony. “It was a sweet and sour day for us. Sweet because we were finally getting married but sad because Judy’s people gave the occasion a wide berth,” he recalls.

That was two years ago, and things have remained the same. Her parents do not even bother to know where she lives or how she is.
“l have no personal grudge against them. I understand where they are coming from though l still prays that they would get over it. I miss to see them and it is not enough for me to visit only with my siblings,” says Judy, and adds,” To this day. I have never understood what all the tribe is about. I am living well with my husband, he treats me well and can bet there are many women married to their tribesmen but who would envoy the way my husband treats me. Love knows no race, tribe or creed.”

It is often insinuated that there is no smoke without fire is there incidences where the red flag raised by the society is justified?
James Mwangi and Sarah Kiuna’s friendship was opposed right from the beginning. To many in the society it was a case of a mismatch. But as it often happens with those involved, two dismissed the opposition as unfair.

The social gap between them was just too wide and was the why Sarah’s parents were unhappy with the proposed union.
A daughter of a businessman, Sarah was from well-off background quiet the opposite from Mwangi’s. He grew up used to the hard life characterized by struggles, where a morsel a day was a prayer answered.

Quiet aware of their difference in status the two nevertheless decided to go on and marry. After all wasn’t love supposed to be blind to these things? Being the father’s favourite and seeing her stubbornness, Sarah’s father decided to let the girl do as she wised.

The father not only organized for the wedding but he even bought her daughter a home in one of the leafy surburbs. All provided for, Mwangi literally moved in with the clothes on his back. The bliss lasted only one year though before the hard reality crashed in.

Mwangi never felt at ease on the better side of life. He could not mingle well with Sarah’s friends and family and away behaved like he owed his existence to them; then again the brushing fact that as a man, he could not provide for his wife, but was instead dependent on her.

Soon, he started going out other women from the neighboring slums. At least with them he felt man enough because he could provide and do whatever he wanted and in the process salvage his crushed ego.
Sarah on the other hand, unable to integrate Mwangi in her lifestyle and feeling neglected made new male friends with her upmarket colleagues and soon the two were drifting away. She finally kicked Mwangi out of their matrimonial home and out of a life of wealth.

Society had been right all along. But then, there are instances when this kind of union takes place and the couple live happily ever-after.
Does love conquer all? And does it exist beyond the chemistry and anticipation? Or do those already in marriage know something young couples do not know? Is it possible that those in love are often blinded by certain factors that others (family or society at large) see?
I like to answer these questions, but every time I think I’m about there, an other contradictory scenario presents itself, leaving me at the point l was when l begum to question.

Source: Story by Nicholas Asego Saturday standard September 15 2007

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