Disability is not Inability

:: HOUR OF RECKONING: HIV AND MARRIAGE IN KENYA:

Many a times watching TV as a family in the evening, you will not miss an Advertisement encouraging us to talk to one another about HIV and our relationships. Talking helps not not reduce risks by improving decisions on sexuality and health especially in marriage. Evelyne Ogutu writing in the Saturday Standard 7th April 2007 highlights the increasingly alarming shocks that stop the sweet ring of the sounds of the wedding bells after couples find their HIV status.

It is 10 am at Tetu, Nyeri, in an evangelical church. The wedding venue has been decorated to befit the occassion, and excited guests are seated, ready to witness the happy couple joined in holy matrimony.

But Nelly Wanjikuwas reading from script of R&B artiste, in his Hit Missing you:"... like a wedding without a groom, a ring without a hand."

After dating for over five years, Daniel Kariuki and Nelly Wanjiku (not their real names) had passed the test of Love and were all set to declare their lifetime commitment to each other.

Kariuki, who is deaf and dumb, had at last found a woman who loved him unconditionally. And for Wanjiku, Kariuki's disability was not a barrier, and she was ready to go the extra mile to be with the man she she loved.

All the marriage negotiations had beencompleted and a feast awaited those who had turned up for the joyous occassion last year May. But there was one small thing: the couple was required to produce HIV test results before the paster could wed them.

"We had not taken the test but when the pastor became adamant, we were forced to take a trip to the provincial ganaral hospital on the day of the wedding," says Wanjiku.

To The bride's horror, she turned out to be positive while the groom tested negative. "That was the saddest day of my life. I was just hours away from becoming Mrs so-and-so, but all that came to a cropper. "Although i do not regret taking the test it has opened a new chapter in my life," She says.

The wedding was immediately cancelled and crowd dispersed, leaving behind the big banquet, which had been prepared.

Speaking in sign language, Kariuki says althrough he had loved his fiancee, he was glad the church demanded the test, because he belives his partner would have infected him.

That was the end of their relationship and a hyped wedding, which even journalists had been invited to, since it involved a rare couple -a deaf and dump man 'a normal' woman.

But Kariuki's and Wanjiku's case is not unique since it is being relived everyday in churches.

Scenes of distressed couple have become common in our television news, when church ministers decline to join them if they do not go for the said test.

Last December, there was weeping and gnashing of teeth when a Nairobi church stopped a couple from wedding for a similar reason.

The wedding, scheduled to take place at World Harvest International Church, was called off after the couple failed to present documents confirming that they had done the test.

HIV/Aids has not only become a medical problem but also a social one. Young people now fear getting into serious relationships leading to marriage as the number of infected people remains high.

The church, being the moral custodian, believes it can help reduce new infections especially among married couples by imposing this condition.

But how realistic is this, especially when the Government has assumed a 'no- discrimination' stance on people infected with, the virus that causes Aids?

Does it mean that people who have the virus should not marry?

The ideal situation is for people to abstain from sex before marriage, but it is an open secret that many couples "know" each other

Source: Saturday Standard 7th April 2007