Disability is not Inability

:: Don’t become predictable

This refers to bedroom matters and Kathy says you can turn yours upside down as long as the result is different and inviting. “My husband never knows what to expect’ when he comes into our bedroom.

Sometimes he finds that I have it scented candles, other times he walks in and steps on petals on the floor. Or I will wear something he hasn’t seen before and when he comes in, the message is clear.”

For those who are not as adventurous, there are other ways of making the bedroom lovely. “For instance, don’t heap dirty clothes on the bed or pile shoes under it. Keep your room neat and clean and air it regularly.

The choice of music also makes a difference. “Amazing Grace is a beautiful hymn but not quite the song for the bedroom,” says Allan. “Play some Kenny G, for example, or any other music that will make the bedroom what it is supposed to be – a place full of love.”

Creating a love zone takes two...

If only one partner tries and the other can’t be bothered, the one trying will give up and even let the couple sleep on bed linen that is soaked in the baby’s urine! Men have long been accused of not being keen on making the effort. They are known to come to bed smelling of sweat and then “just jump on the woman”.

“They should know that we are not animals that have sex for procreation. Human beings have relationships,” say Kathy.
Allan says to such men: “Every night before you go to bed, take a shower if you sweated excessively during the day, brush your teeth…”

Then there are those believe they should save their fights for the bedroom, a “safe” distance away from the children. So as soon as the door is closed, they go for each other’s throats. “The bedroom should be a love zone, never a place to fight,” says Kathy.

The couple reveals that they are coming across increasing numbers of men who are shunning sex with their wives in favour of watching pornography and practicing deviant sexual behaviour.

Other issues such as abuse during childhood can come into the bedroom and crowd it. These issues must be ironed out before marriage. “That is why I recommend premarital counseling for everyone. It is very important,” says Allan.

“Sex must be spontaneous,”

Above all, sex between couples should not fall into a predictable and boring pattern. “Sex must be spontaneous,” says Kathy. “Planning to have sex on a particular day or time makes it artificial and a dull duty.

Spontaneity makes a relationship flamboyant and fulfilling while a timetable kills romance. And men should prepare their wives for sex throughout the day. “Don’t expect to get great love after putting your wife down all day,” says Allan.

disabilitykenya